


Thank the Fade

by Mira_Belmonte



Category: Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Adult Content, Bad Writing, Cassandra Pentaghast's Disgusted Noises, Dalish Accent, Dalish Elven Culture and Customs, Dalish Sexuality, Demons, Dragons, Elf/Human Relationship(s), Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Fade Sex, Fade Spirits, Fluff and Smut, Foreplay, Guilt, Hawke & Varric Tethras Friendship, I Don't Even Know, I Tried, I'm Bad At Tagging, I'm Sorry, Kinks, Kissing, Mages and Templars, Magic, Near Death Experiences, Oral Sex, Orgasm Delay/Denial, POV Multiple, Porn With Plot, Supernatural Elements, Swearing, The Fade, This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things, Unplanned Pregnancy, Vaginal Fingering, Vaginal Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-03
Updated: 2018-12-03
Packaged: 2019-09-06 10:04:41
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 5,972
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16830439
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mira_Belmonte/pseuds/Mira_Belmonte
Summary: Iowen stumbles upon Garrett Hawke while she roamed the Fade in her dreams. Will she see him again? More importantly, will she want to.Iowen now becomes the Herald of Andraste and eventually the Inquisitor, titles she didn't want. But those titles gained her access, one being Varric's "friend" and Champion of Kirkwall.





	1. Desire Demon

**Author's Note:**

> Dareth shiral- Farewell

Like most nights I wandered the wilds with my mabari, Shassah, the year was 9:38 Dragon. She served as my guard dog, guide, and friend during the lonely nights. Being an apostate since the struggle between Templars and Mages became too frequent, I couldn't be too safe anymore.

Shassah and I found ourselves in an old Elvish ruin. "Shall this be our camp for the night?" I asked my dog in my Dalish tongue, who gave a happy wag of approval. I gave her a quick pet behind the ear and set to making protective wards around the perimeter before laying down in the dark. I hardly slept, focusing my time and magic to drifting through the Fade for information of where to go next and what spirit needs help.

Laying down on the cold floor, Shassah at my feet, I focused on the silence allowing my body to drift. It had been almost a week since I visited the Fade and had desired to go back badly. The Fade is the Dalish's history, Fen'heral's doing. It is where we learn and thrive the most. If we are so lucky to experience it.

I walked through the Fade, my surroundings giving me information on where to go when I stumbled upon something, or rather someone strange. A man, maybe in his early years, but older than I. He had dark, shaggy hair with a matching beard and a inquisitive expression as he observed his surroundings. He was also a mage, the staff on his back gave it away.

I crouched, taking my staff off my back and making small steps toward the human I never saw before, "What are you?" I questioned him sternly, my staff blade pointed at his turned face, his golden eyes peering at me in surprise.

"Isn't it obvious what I am?" He said with a bit if humour, this irritated me, "You could be a desire demon, or an abomination." he seemed insulted.  
"Humans can be mages without being abominations or demons, elf." he stated matter of factly, "The name is Hawke, incase you're wondering."

"Iowen." I nodded at him, slowly reaching out and prodding his chest sturdy with an index finger. He grabbed my hand, removing it from his chest, meeting my eyes. This action caused a smirk to form on his face, my breath hitched momentarily, he was handsome for a shem.

"How are you here?" I questioned him after regaining myself, "Hardly anyone crosses my path in the Fade, if they're alive that is." I put my staff back.

"I believe the same reason you are here, we both seek knowledge. Perhaps escape from the current world as well." I nodded at his words, he was right. "You are close to where I am then?" Usually people who are near each other in physical distance were able to meet in the Fade, hardly were they human. Though I've never encountered other mages in physical distance that weren't trying to do blood magic, or convert me. They usually died by my staff, abominations should not live.

"Most likely, but I do not think we would be able to meet each other even if that's the case." He watched me as I tucked a strand of fire behind my ear, "I've only stopped briefly to rest my mana. I've recently came from the deep roads with my group and we're trying to return to Kirkwall as soon as possible." The deep roads? He's been fighting darkspawn? Perhaps people are injured or tainted.

"Is anyone injured or needing healing? I'm proficient in healing magic." He only shook his head at this, "We're okay, too many mages to count and plenty of health potions. We're just tired and needing to restore our mana." Something possessed me to reach into my side satchel and withdraw a couple of lyrium potions. Being a herbalist made it easy to procure them.  
"Take these, hopefully they'll help." he seemed shocked at my generosity, taking them from my grasp, his fingers brushing over the exposed skin of my wrist, grasping it and placing a gratuitous kiss on the palm of my hand. No one has ever done this to me.

"Thank you, Iowen." I nodded with a blush at his thanks and gesture, "Dareth shiral, Hawke." I smiled briefly before vanishing in thin air, his hand grasping the empty space where my hand used to be.


	2. Until We Meet Again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Iowen and Hawke come across each other again. This time they plan on taking advantage of the time they have in the Fade.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I'm not exactly the best writer, but I hope everyone enjoys what I've been writing :)

Hawke woke up with a jolt, unsure of what exactly he dreamt of or where he even was. It was past noon, the Sun beating down on him as he laid on his bedroll, "Maker's ass, it's hot!" he groaned, licking his parched lips. Sitting up, he stretched causing three vials of lyrium to clatter into his lap, his eyes wide with realization. "Maybe if you wouldn't sleep all day, you wouldn't have roasted in the Sun, Haw- Is that lyrium? Where did you get that?" Anders paused, a skin full of water in hand for Hawke. Anders instantly grew suspicious of Hawke, assuming he was withholding resources that were desperately needed. Hawke wasn't sure how to answer, scratching his beard, "A woman." he said lost in thought, his mind on the Dalish woman he met in the fade. The almost feral look she gave him, fixing him where he stood as his eyes met her green ones. Her fiery red hair that he was sure Maker himself made from His holy fires. Her body lithe and curvy at the same time, every elf he encountered never looked anything like her. He was sure that she was a desire demon, or maybe was a dream.

  
"A woman?" Anders eyebrow raised, "How odd, seeing that we are the only ones around these parts." Hawke groaned again, irritated by Anders implied accusations. Thrusting one of the vials towards him, "Just take it." he sighed and stood up, time to get on the road.

* * *

I woke up, my mind flooded with the mysterious man I encountered in the Fade. His kiss still heated my hand, I held it to my chest. I never had much interest in men, let alone human ones. Why should he be any different. But still his golden eyes haunted the back of my eyelids, forcing me to get up and continue traveling unless I wanted to be found.   
My mabari growled alerting me of danger on the roads, my staff was at the ready. I was prepared for a fight. A group of Templars came towards me, "It's an apostate! Kill her!" Shassah leapt towards them, taking a templar down as I fade stepped towards another one, smacking him with my staff. He screamed as I casted a Horror spell on him, pinning in a circle and flailing wildly. I faced the other Templar who wielded a sword, slicing my leg, I screamed in pain as the wound bled, but I couldn't stop yet. As the Templar ran towards me I thrusted my staff blade out, piercing them in the throat, panting in pain as they choked on their blood before dying. Shassah attacked the Templar having horror visions, ripping his throat out and ending his misery. She wagged her tail happily and barked at me, pleased with herself. I smiled at her, leaning on my staff and hobbled over to the dead templars, searching their bodies for anything useful.  
Luckily, they had coin and even clean bandages for me to use. I winced with every step I took, blood loss was falling over me in a thick fog of drowsiness. I sat in the shade and used the bandages to tie off the wound so I could heal myself properly without dying. Shassah whined at my feet, she was concerned with my current state, I smiled at her. It reminded me of the day she marked me as hers, I was 16 and walking through a small city when a group of shemlins were surrounding her, kicking her and throwing rocks. She was a baby, whining and scared. Angrily, I walked over to them and broke up the abuse the children were delivering to the helpless dog. Coaxing her to come to me with strips of cured meat, she was covered in dirt and fleas, shivering and crying as I picked her up and took her to the nearest inn. From that day, she was as much mine as I was hers. My Shassah was no longer that small pup being abused in an alley but was now one of the fiercest dogs to walk these lands and by my side no less, I was proud.  
"Fen, cry not. I am still alive." I patted her on the side in assurance. Using my staff to support my weight as I stood up, we continued our journey.

* * *

Stopping in a secluded area, Shassah and I set up our temporary camp behind a waterfall. The divet in the wall was enough space for us as we huddled in the dark, her soft snoring lulling me to sleep. I drifted into the Fade again, searching for lost artifacts of the old Elvish, before the Dales, when I saw him.

He looked tired, but none the less still like himself yesterday, "Andaran anti'shan, Hawke. I did not expect to find you here again." I gave him a toothy smile as his eyes transfixed upon me in surprise,"Iowen, we meet again." his own smile danced on his lips, "What brings you back to the Fade?" he asked, hand scratching his dark beard briefly. I debated on being honest with him or not, he didn't seem the type to use information for selfish gain, "I'm searching some artifacts of the old Elves, believe it or not." I looked around, the Fade always seemed to change, today it was particularly different. Spiritual presence was high, it was cold.

  
"It seems the spirits are restless today, they have been speaking of significant demon numbers around. Artifact searching will be difficult." he sighed, watching a spirit hover past him in a hurry, "Then perhaps we should help decrease the population?" I flashed Hawke a mischievous grin before taking my staff off my back and running away. He laughed, excited with a chance to blow off some steam, twisting his staff and running after me.

We came across a rage demon, angry and barreling towards us. "You take him on the right, I'll get the left!" Hawke shouted, his eyes gleamed with eagerness. I nodded, taking the demon on the right side and casting Winter Grasp, freezing it in place as Hawke shot a chain of lightening at the demon. The ice shattered around the demon, and roared at us in anger, racing towards Hawke, "Hawke, look out!" I shouted towards him in panic, Hawke rolled out of the way, encouraging the demon's anger by yelling at it. I shot my magic at the demon, over and over again. "Come on, you bitch! Is that all you got!?" Hawke yelled at the rage demon, laughing with his particular sense of humour. He smacked the demon with the end of his staff, it roared again, it's arms lurching out, knocking Hawke to the ground.

I casted a shield around him, protecting him from the rage demon's punishing blows. Hawke held his side and winced, a smiled placed on his lips as he looked at the demon again. "You okay?" I yelled over to him, this alerted the demon of my presence, it seemed to have forgotten I was there. My eyes were wide with panic as it raced towards me, arms outstretched. I dropped Hawke's shield and rolled out of the way, Hawke managed to throw magic at it, finally killing it. We panted, making eye contact. I leaned forward resting my hands on my knees, "Well that was fun." I huffed, this caused a genuine laugh to erupt from him, falling on his back his momentary exhaustion. I cracked a smile and shook my head, his laugh was comforting. Walking over, I sat on my ankles next to him, placing my hands on his side, assessing the damage inflicted on him. A warming magic graced him, he watched my face as I leaned over him and concentrated my magic into healing his fractured ribs. I glanced up at him, his golden eyes studying me. I smiled at him momentarily before returning my gaze towards healing.

"I don't think we will see each other again, Iowen." I interrupted him, "You can call me Io. I think you've earned the right." he smiled at this outburst before speaking again, "Well Io, I don't we will meet in the Fade again. My group is turning directions and stopping through a town for a few days and then we'll go to Kirkwall. It isn't too far away, but I think we're heading in different directions." I must have given him a disappointed look, which truthfully I was disappointed. I hardly came in contact with other people, and even though I hardly knew him, I was enjoying the company. But the look on my face caused him to frown at me, the knitting of his eyebrows caused me to sigh, "Do not frown, Hawke. It is not becoming of you." he snorted, "Andraste's tits, you're snippy. Sorry to have offended you with a frown." I rolled my eyes at the comment, "Snippy, will not be the word to describe me, if you say that about me again." this caused him to smile brightly at me, "Yes sir!" he saluted, by the gods, I could kill him or kiss him, I'm unsure which.

Standing up, I brushed off my trousers, "Truthfully, I am disappointed in your leaving. I don't meet many people Dalish, human, or flat-eared for that matter. But I am pleased to have met you, dearest Hawke." he sat up, using his staff to get him to his feet, "Garrett." he murmured. I paused, raising an eyebrow.

"What?" I uttered, unsure of the word, "My name. It's Garrett." I rolled the word over my tongue, Garrett. I nodded my understanding, "Garrett." I iterated, which caused him to blush slightly. We continued walking, in search of more demon and other pastimes. On the way we talked more, opening up just ever so slightly about our lives. I learned he had siblings, he loved them even if his brother sometimes seemed to hate him. He also told me about his experiences with magic as a child, and his becoming an apostate. I told him my stories, my siblings all being in the Circle. My family was all mages somehow, I never questioned it. At some point our hands found each other and we continued our quest of demon slaying.

The longer we talked, the stronger the pull was for me to return to the world. I stopped walking, and stared, "What's wrong?" he asked me, concerned etched across his face. "We've been here for too long, I need to return back." I looked at him with a sad smile, not quite ready to leave. Taking two strides towards me he grabbed my hand and brought it to his face to deliver another kiss to my palm, placing a golden clasp from his hair in the center, "It's been an absolute pleasure, Io. May the Maker guide you through a safe journey." though I didn't believe in his god, I understood the gesture and smiled at him, taking off my necklace and placing it around his neck, "Dareth shiral, Garrett. May we meet again in the Beyond." I kissed his cheek in good health, an arm around my waist holding me tightly before I vanished.

I awoke, my hand clenched tightly to contain the the hair accessory. I sat up and opened my palm, fingering the golden ornament with a sad smile. "May we meet again, Garrett Hawke." I murmured to myself.


	3. The Beginning of the End

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'd recommend just bookmarking my work because I never put up new chapters consistently. Sorry about that 😅
> 
> Anyways, I hope everyone enjoys what I'm working on. Feel free to leave Kudos, comments, etc.

It was 9:40 Dragon when the Circle of Magi fell. The following year 9:41 Dragon, I joined the Mage Rebellion. The spirits of the Fade guided me to join, and aid in the attempt at a peaceful resolution to the Mage-Templar War. Growing up in a Dalish clan who practiced magic freely, and being apostate for most of my life, it felt right to give other mages the same freedoms. Not all of them were blood mages, seeking to do evil. They needed freedom, not hate.I came with a group of Dalish mages, meaning to be one of the emissaries but we all were seeking freedom and peace at the Temple of Sacred Ashes, too many were lost in the war.   
The building was massive, beautiful, modern compared to the elven ruins I grew up exploring and studying. Built by human hands and no doubt some dwarven, the outside was dark stone with windows that let in small amounts of light. The spiritual presence hit me long before I step foot inside the temple, reminence of the past clung to the very ground we walked on.  
“Welcome to the Temple of Sacred Ashes, lady Lavellan.” a courtly official greeted me with a bow, I smiled and nodded my head at her gesture, “Thank you.” I continued walking into the temple, one of the mages who arrived with me whispered, “I’ll set up camp outside with the others, come to us when you are free.” 

I spent hours conversing with many people from different parts of our worlds, accents and languages hard to keep track of. I excused myself from the gathering and stepped outside to get a few moments to myself in the cold night air, I had a few too many cups of spiced wine.  
“Having fun, my lady?” One of the mages I came with questioned me, a smirk on her face as she stepped closer to me. The lantern light casted a golden light across her face, exposing her lace like face tattoo, eyes shimmering with a sense of mischief. “Oh, all the fun in the world.” I murmured, my slight slurred lilt getting the best of my speech due to my imbibing. I rubbed my face and inhaled deeply.   
“Is it as boring as I think it would be in there?” she leaned her back against the wall next to me, eyeing me for a response, “Not terribly boring, I’ve met interesting people. But I am not a people person.” I sighed, “And with saying that I do need to go back inside, unfortunately. Enjoy your night, tomorrow will be the most difficult part.” nodding, I turned towards the door and back inside I went for the night.

When I laid down to sleep that night, my old girl at my feet, my stomach churned. I took it as my nerves getting the best of me, I drifted into the Fade for peace and answers but only found chaos. Spirits in disarray, lost and scared. It was so cold, so desolate and destroyed, I brought myself out of the Fade, back into my bed. My body felt cold, my heart was beating too fast. Something wasn't right, and I needed to leave. That much I could tell.  
Gathering my belongings that I had brought in, I left my room to find my way out of this building. Not a soul in sight, but the guards, who stayed mostly upright. Soft snores coming from some of the helmets, “Lady Lavellan.” or “Lady.” coming from others.   
Turning down a partially lit hall, I knew I was lost but I still heard murmurs, sounds of distress. My interest piqued, I followed the sounds until I came to a door where bright candle light shown through the cracks. A man and woman, having a disagreement, I turned around to head back in the other direction, knowing that it wasn’t my business, until I heard her. Divine Justinia’s voice in distress, but always so peaceful and reassuring.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is where the beginning of the story starts, if you don't want to read this just skimmed down a few until you find something that interest you or wait until later chapters are posted.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you everyone for reading this so far, I'm sorry if it isn't the best writing. I find difficulty in writing things like this, but I'm still trying!
> 
> Also, shout out to the person, I will name later, for providing so many Dragon Age Fans and Writers with Dalish words and understanding!

I burst through the door, “What’s going on here?” I questioned with a serious tone, grey wardens had her in a death grip before him. She had no way of escaping. 

“Run!” she cried out as the beast of a man looked in my direction, “We have an intruder! Kill her!.” all went dark after that.

  
  
  
  


I awoke in a dank, dark room, swords pointed at me. My body ached, my mind was spinning and i had no idea where I was. My hand most of all throbbed with a dull pain, I looked down to see a glowing light flare, and I groaned.

Two women marched into the room, one with a stern expression and short cut hair, a soldier no doubt. The other, more reserved with a hood over her head, concealing her identity. The soldier approached me with anger, “Tell me why we shouldn’t kill you now. The conclave is destroyed. Everyone who attended is dead. Except you.” she spat in my direction unintentionally, but I didn’t answer her, I had no idea what she was talking about. Suddenly, she reached forward and grabbed my arm, lifting it up and exposing the weird light on my hand.

“I… can’t.” I sighed.

“What do you mean, you can’t?”

“I… don’t know what that is or how it got there.” I looked at the light swirling around my hand.

“You’re lying!” she yelled out towards me, lunging inward to strike me but she was stopped by the other woman.

“We need her, Cassandra!” the other woman called out.

Moments pass as I think of what to say next, “I don’t understand.” is all I could answer.

  
  


“Go to the forward camp Lelianna, I will take her to the rift.” Cassandra said to Lelianna, before turning to look at me.

“What did happen?” I questioned, being pulled up by rope that replaced the shackles around my wrists, “It will be easier to show you.” she said solemnly, pulling me behind her.

We stepped outside to a world of chaos, I squinted at the brightness before looking up and seeing an ominous green cloud swirling ahead, its color matched that of the light on my hand.

Cassandra explained to me that the people called it the Breach, that it was a rift between worlds and demons were passing through. It was growing, and due to the explosion at the conclave, this rift and many others were created. I was shocked, what form of magic could cause such a thing as this? If only I could enter into the Fade to find out how things looked from the other side.

“Unless we act, the breach may grow until it swallows the world.” she said, a look of desperation fell on her face. Following her words the Breach grew causing pain to shoot up my arm, I dropped to the ground, “Andraste’s tits!” I cried out as the pain subsided, earning a sigh from Cassandra.

“Each time the Breach expands, your mark spreads… and it is killing you. It may be the key to stopping this but there isn’t much time.” she’s looking for my cooperation? I stared at her for a moment, weighing my options. If I ran, I’d be killed. If I helped, I still probably will die. I do not care for these people, but I care for my home and being set free, I frowned in displeasure.

“I understand.”

“Then..?” Cassandra asked, “I’ll do whatever it takes.” I nodded, signifying my decision. After that, she paraded me past a camp of people, all of them looked at me as if I was an omen of ill will. Once we reached outside the camp, she cut my restraints and stated that I needed to test the mark on my hand on something smaller than the Breach and beckoned I followed her.

We made our way down a path littered with burnt corpses, carriages, and fire until we reached a bridge that was struck by the Breach and collapsed as we walked across it, “Ah!” we both exclaimed as we fell amongst rubble, right in front of a small gathering of demons.

“Demons! Stay behind me!” Cassandra yelled before charging into the group, leaving me alone to battle it out with a demon, completely weaponless. Fuck.

I looked around frantically before leaping towards an abandoned staff and throwing a bolt of magic towards the demon. We went toe to toe, I casted the spells I could until the demon finally crumbled into a heap of ash, “It’s over.” I panted towards Cassandra but she was not as friendly, her blade pointed towards me, “Drop your weapon apostate, now.” her voice commanding and thick with her accent. Did she really expect me to fight weaponless?

“Do you really think I need a staff to be dangerous?” my comment did not provide much consolation, as her expression become colder, “Is that supposed to reassure me?” I gave her a look as equally cold.

“I haven’t used my magic yet.” with this, Cassandra lowers her sword and sheaths it. Agreeing with me that I need it in order to protect myself, we continue. We are supposed to meet someone or someones. One the way I begin looting bodies, “What are you doing?” she questioned me in disgust. I snorted at her reaction, “I am surviving. They are dead and I need what they have.” I stated matter of factly, "Just be quick about it, we must get moving."

We fought out way through the demons until we got to our destination, an elf apostate and a dwarf were fending off demons left and right. I casted a chain of lighting to distract the demons and give them a chance to breathe.

“Quickly! Before more come through!” the elf shouted, grabbing me by my wrist and shoving it towards the rift, sealing it closed. I took my arm back protectively, not sure what had just happened, “What did you do?” I looked down at my hand and back up to the elf who was had a smirk on his face.

“I did nothing. The credit is yours.” he gestured towards the mark on my hand. He seemed intelligent and he excuded power that not many people could sense due to his outward appearance of collection and calm. Introductions were briefly made, Varric was the dwarf. He had a witty sense of humour and something told me he and I would be great friends. Solas was the elf, how I felt towards him was undecided but I knew he was not a force to oppose.

Our journey to the forward camp led us into the Conclave, Cassandra granted me the right to choose which way we went. I argued for her to not allow me to choose, but seeing as I was the one who could fix the Breach and my not running gave her some trust towards me. As stand offish the trust was, I'd take it.

* * *

I awoke in a cabin, extremely unsure of where I was but my body felt used, I lay there in the bed trying to remember everything but only able to remember the rage demon we were able to slay, but nothing about closing the breach or if I was successful. I shifted to my side only to hear a gasp and clattering of various objects onto the floor. I sat up and looked to what I found to be an elf frantically cleaning up the mess she made, “I’m so sorry miss, I didn’t know you were awake!” she exclaimed, avoiding looking at me like most elves who worked as servants did. After speaking with her I found out that I was in a place called Haven, and we were safe for now. The Breach was no longer growing, and the mark on my hand was stabilized.

“Lady Cassandra will want to speak to you. She’s in the Chantry with Lord Chancellor,” I groaned at the mention of Lord Chancellor and thanked her for her time. The thanks threw her off guard, no doubt frightening the poor elf as she scrambled her self up from the floor and out of the room.

Rising to my feet, i stretched, my joints popping with the movement. The house that I was in was warm and cozy, with a desk and a few shelves for various books. I look at the clutter of papers strewn across the desk, picking up one and reading it, the contents on the page were about my recovery. Satisfied with my snooping, I grabbed a wool coat that the servant girl left for me and headed for the cold outdoors.

* * *

Cassandra restored the Inquisition. Whatever that was, I had no idea but what I did know was that I no longer had a choice in whether or not I was helping. The people of Thedas have grown to call me the Herald of Andraste and I was the only one who could close the Breach completely. I decided I needed to speak to Solas before going to Red Cliffe to find Mother Giselle, he was the only one with knowledge of what this was or how to get rid of it.

I approached him by his cabin, he was meditating. Ensuring to not fully disturb him, I tip toed and sat down across from him and began meditating along with him, “Was their something I could help you with?” he questioned, his eyes still closed, expression showing tranquility.

“I was wondering what you could tell me about the mark on my hand. You seem to know much about it.” I answered, studying his features. He wasn’t bad looking for an elf, but I stilled felt no interest to go down that road. The thought of Garrett crossed my mind momentarily, I hadn’t thought of him in a long time but his bead remained in my hair, which I caressed at the thought. If I saw him today, would he recognize me? Is he still alive? These were things I had no way of knowing, I shouldn’t ask about it and should just let the memory of him die. Treat it like a dream.

“Yes, I know some. I have done much studying of the Fade, and of magic itself.” his now open, studying me as I was mentally side tracked, “Your mark is what is known as an Anchor to the Breach up there. The cause, I do not know, but I know that they are connected to the Fade. Have you ever been to the Fade, Iowen?” he questioned me, a soft smile placed on his lips.

“I have, but.. It’s been some time. The last I went, the spiritual energy was draining. Chaos was on the other side.” I frowned at the thought, he nodded in agreement, “Then you understand that something big has been set into motion. I’ve walked in the Fade for many years, the amount of energy surrounding it now is not the same as it was.”

“How old are you, Solas?” I cocked my head to the side, I forget elves age differently than humans, myself included, he laughed at my forwardness.

“Very old, lan’sila (student). You are very curious, that can get you in trouble.” he sighed, before standing up, “I wish I could give you more, but I cannot. I do however, think it is time for us to go to Redcliffe.”

“Serannasan Ma, Solas. (Thank you, Solas)” I followed his lead, standing as well, “Sathem lasa halani (Pleased to give assistance).” he replied, helping me up with a smile.

* * *

We faced what the war between the apostates and templars had to offer. We tried to tell them we were not apostates nor templars, but neither side listened, resulting in so much death. I was never opposed to killing for survival as a free apostate who wanted to survive, but after the Conclave, my purpose of wanting mages free, this hit personally for me. The death of so many weighed heavily on my conscience, but at least we were able to close rifts and save so many innocent lives in the process. 

Setting up camp for the night before we headed towards horse master Dennet’s, I was approached by Varric, “You okay, Herald?” he was genuinely concerned, he worked besides me, helping me set up my tent. It was evident to the camp that I was not in right mind, something bothered me deeply.

“Fine, Varric.” I gave a short answer, feeling slightly irritated by the question. My mood was soured by the darkness I had encountered today. I needed strong ale and rest, and maybe to hunt, it had been since before the Conclave that I went hunting. The thought of hunting made my chest hurt at the realization that my sweet Mabari no longer was alive. I hadn’t thought of her, and for that I was sorry. 

Varric and I worked silently together before I said anything, “I had a dog at the Conclave, Shassah.” I sniffled for a moment, letting the grief of losing her before I wiped my eyes and carried on, “I’m not used to shedding so much blood for a cause. I just wanted to be left alone and let mages have their freedom and now I’m the fucking Herald of Andraste, what ever that means. Delavir (stupid).” Solas snorted from where he was, listening to my rage as he worked.

“I’m sorry, Herald.” Varric said with a gruffness to his voice, “It’ll get easier. But right now things have to be the way they are. We’re here for a reason, let’s focus on that, and when we get back to Haven you and I can go grab a couple of pints of ale and you can yell all you want. Deal?” he gave a half smile, I knew I liked this man, “Deal.” I gave a forced smile as we finished setting up the tents.

* * *

I laid on the earth in my tent, drifting into the Fade. Something possessed me to go back after the conversation with Solas, perhaps it was hope of finding Garrett again. It was darker than usual, a chill ran down my spine at the drop in temperature.  _ This is what Solas has been seeing? _

Spirits were begging, a searching like always as I passed them. I tried to avoid as many demons as possible, I didn’t want a desire demon to manifest itself. Wading through water, I climbed onto a small patch of land and sat down, meditating in peace.

“Lan’sila, may I join you?” a familiar voice sounded, my eyes opened to find Solas standing in front of me. I wasn’t sure if he was real or not, but the power that was in my presence made me not question it. “You may.” he sat down next to me, placing his staff on the floor, “You come here often, I take it.” I said to him, my eyes staring out over the darkened water, I could feel his eyes watching me with curiosity.

“Always.” he responded, “I find no greater peace than to be here with spirits and silence. Our world, is much more messy than this one.” I could see his point as spirits floated by, engaging in conversation.

“There is much for me to learn of this place, but I’ve always enjoyed it when I visit.” I commented, we continued to sit in silence.

"What are you seeking, Iowen?" he questioned after moments passed, echoes of water sounded far away, "What do you mean?"

"Your heart is heavy, I can sense it. You are searching." his words wrapped around my mind like a snake wrapping itself around a branch, "I search for nothing Solas, only peace from war." it wasn't a lie, but I wasn't telling the full truth, "If that is your truth." he said before returning back to meditation. All was silent again until we returned back to Thedas.


End file.
